Answers Found

Mother often would ask “why?’ repeatedly when she became distressed over the stupidity of Politics, seeing disasters and suffering, observing wars, famine, corruption and poverty on TV. I would be at a loss to explain it myself. We both had faith in God, but He represented love. How could this be happening? It didn't seem fair.

I looked at my own life since taking on the care of Mother. I admit there have been difficult times as I had to adjust to suddenly stopping work, when enjoying my job and not intending or feeling ready to stop yet. The sudden change of plans and removal of my ‘independence’ as I became tied to 24 hour care-giving left me feeling lost. What was happening to my life?

Mother may die soon. Facing her dying was scary. How would this journey end?  Life seemed out of control. Sometimes, when tired from disturbed nights and not being able to switch off in case needed, I would feel sorry for myself and have to work on my attitude. Life had thrown me a curve ball and it didn't seem fair.

Other times during my life I had observed others seem to have really great lives, the sort I could only dream about. Others have got away with corruption, evil and oppression. Death has always been an enemy, to be feared. It was depressing and I didn’t feel comfortable with ‘life’ in a world that is so unfair. 

Then one evening I was watching a new channel on TV (‘FirstLight’) and found answers so simple yet revealing a deep inner truth to me. It excites me, so I just have to share it here. 

As a Christian, I always knew the bible promises one day Jesus will come again. Silly how I never connected before that when Jesus comes, He will put things right! Wars, poverty, injustice, pain, illness, death, loss, grief, hunger, suffering, loneliness, rejection, hate, inequality, aging, strife, oppression, lies, violence, stigmatization, corruption, will all be dealt with and put right!  What a wonderful revelation. Thank you 'FirstLight'.

One day all that is unfair in life will be put away and Jesus will put it right. What a hope to look forward to. At death Christians like Mother can say “goodbye until morning”. It’s not goodbye forever. Christ shall come again and we shall all be raised. What a reunion! When I see all that is unfair, I know this world is not my final home. That is my answer to unfairness in life here ☺

Looking at beautiful creation

NZ is just changing free-to-air TV channels from analogue TV to digital TV which gives a fantastically clearer picture. We have discovered one channel called 'FirstLight' which has wonderful scenes of nature; mountains, country-side, flowers and animals in nature. It has a regular intermittent program called "Moments of Peace" that has relaxing music playing as the scenes change. I find it a great way to refresh my mind & spirit, particularly when busy and tired. It only takes me a few moments, then I carry on. The TV channel can be found online here  http://www.firstlight.org.nz/watch-online 

Mother enjoyed another particular program that gave glimpses of our wonderful universe, also through FirstLight TV. The resource can be found on www.creationastronomy.com  Mother finds looking at the planets and their beauty wonderful and exciting, reaffirmed in her faith and marveling what a wonderful artist her God is. Going 'outer-space' is a lift from her present surroundings.

Mother's TV escapes

Mother appears to have stabilized with no more collapses, though slow progression of her condition continues. Days are routine with activities paced to Mother's ability to cope, with a half or whole day a week spent in bed now. Mother seems to need a day or two of rest to cope with the rest of the week getting up in a chair. Times of breathlessness are regular and more sudden with the slightest exertion. She tries to keep her legs mobile, but they are weaker and she has become progressively slower. Mentally Mother has improved from her last collapse, with her memory good some days. She still retains an interest in everything going on around her and makes her wishes very clear. She is at peace.

It seems the less active Mother is with physical limitations, her inner life becomes more active. Mother has given permission for me to share some of these stories and happenings that she speaks of.  

 

Often when watching scenic or travel type programs on  TV, Mother will turn to me and ask "have we just got back, or have I been here all the time?" She laughs when realizing she had 'escaped' into the program for a while and finds it refreshing. 

 

One evening in bed, after watching an animal rescue program, Mother reasoned with me saying that "I really was there standing on the bank (where the cow was in the water) because I felt the splash!". She looked down to see she was in bed and then laughs. Now that is transference!

 

Because transference is very real, I have guided Mother away from watching anything too spooky, gruesome, scary or violent.  Favorite channels for her are Travel, talent , geographic and nature shows.

Adjusting to Change Stage 3

Mother was stable and manageable. I felt we were in a good routine and I knew her well enough to nip any infections in the bud. The regular assisting Carers were trained enough by now to know Mother's routine and standard of care expected by me. I even found myself thinking "I may be able to do more hours at work and save for my son's graduation in the USA". Well that thought went out the window fast when everything changed one day.

May 21st 2012; Mother was happily sitting at the kitchen table (on her walker) after assisted shower and breakfast. I tidied her hair that had just been washed when Mother began to act uncomfortable. She said she wanted to lay down, so I quickly pushed her on her walker to her room to lay her on her lazy-boy chair. Just as we got to the chair, Mother suddenly collapsed (like she did before at the hair-dressers). I was all alone and Mother looked dead! With an adrenaline rush of strength, freaking out, I managed to lift her 80kg body off the walker seat and lay her on the floor, on her side as I knew from experience that she may vomit when (hopefully) she came round. I pressed her emergency alarm and then covered Mother with a warm blanket and supported her with cushions. The St John Ambulance personal spoke to me through her alarm bedside speaker and reassuringly said the ambulance was on its way. I could see Mother's pulse had returned and she was breathing again. As the Ambulance officers were lifting Mother onto the stretcher, Mother woke and said amazed "Oh, I'm on the floor!". She then vomited every where and was taken off to the Emergency Department at our local hospital. I followed with a change of clothes etc.

The outcome was that Mother is now at a stage where her Aortic Stenosis is now severe enough to be causing collapses more frequently, she is damaging her heart each time as with a heart attack, and she will take longer to get over it (if she does). Her likely-hood of sudden death was now within two years. I knew this day was coming, but was stunned when it did. Mother spent 5 hours in ED before she was well enough to take home. We went home, knowing that returning to ED with collapse was not an option in future, as Mother was now at a terminal stage of her disease processes. A referral went to the Emergency Response Team and Palliative Care for all the support I needed to look after Mother at home.  She spent most of the next 5 days sleeping a lot. She was tired and weak, just like someone who had had a large coronary. I spent my time dealing with visits from Ministry of Health (NASC), Occupational Therapist, Social worker, Doctors, Nurses and the Care Agency arranging a smooth transition of care for Mother's needs.

Mother has recovered enough now to walk to the lounge some days, but most of the time we use a wheel-chair to move her around the house. Her day is spent lounging in a lazy-boy chair (comfortable enough to sleep in), either in her room or the lounge. She has a Roho cushion on her chair for pressure relief as she is prone to pressure points. Mother now has an electric hospital bed with a pressure relief air mattress. She loves her new bed with foot and head elevation at the touch of a button. Raising and lowering it assists her to get out or protects our backs as we tend to Mother's cares including bed bath. Showering is only done when Mother feels up to one, and two of us are present to work as a team in military precision to minimize time Mother is up. The shower can bring on a 'funny head' and near collapse if any longer. There have been a few near misses as Mother's unpredictable fluctuations in Blood Pressure are triggered by her Aortic Stenosis. The other symptom she gets that can also come on suddenly is Shortness of breath and a  wheeze ( has been called Cardiac Asthma) from Pulmonary Oedema. Palliative Care are only a phone-call away if needed. Mother's ability to do simple tasks requires supervision and guidance in most activities now. I have a portable 'door bell' which I keep near so she can press the button at her end when she needs me. That has assisted me to sleep a little better at night.

I know I have taken on Mother's care for such a time as this and have taken 'special leave' (unpaid) from my job to look after her. Mother feels safe with me around, and is so happy I am here all the time now. She has been openly discussing death and Pastor is visiting regularly. Mother has reaffirmed her faith in Jesus, so we are assisting her to prepare for her future. More next time.

Faith and special moments with Mother

It has been a while since my last post and life with Mother has been busy as usual. Since that 'awful morning' when she didn't know me, I followed the advice of a dear friend and prayed that Mother would never forget her children and significant others. Mother loved the reassuring prayers on settling each night and has steadily improved.

We went through summer and are now heading into autumn. The only incidents over summer were a heat rash that appeared in her folds that didn't respond to the usual anti fungal creams. In the end I used a general antibiotic for common skin bugs and instructed the carers to use an antibacterial liquid soap under her folds and thank God her rash cleared! I then thought about how Mother had managed to get through hot weather in the past without the same problems. She had, in her wisdom, used deodorant under her folds. I re-instituted this routine and the rash has stayed away :)

Mother turned 88yrs old last week. It was a week day and to make the day special I decided to arrange afternoon tea with Mother's great-grand children that were available to come. I remembered one,a three year old saying to her mother one morning, on her sister's birthday  that "she wasn't 5 yet because she hadn't blown her candles out on her birthday cake!" So I thought I would use this symbolism to impress the children (2yrs to 9yrs old) how old great-grandma was by putting 88 candles on her cake.

Well it turned out to be quite dramatic. Without realising the cumulative effects of so many candles, I innocently began lighting them. They were burning fast by the time I finished lighting and I even had to get my husband's help to speed up the lighting process. By the time they were all lit and I began carrying the cake across to where Mother was sitting, the flames were getting over 10cm high. I began to worry as I felt the heat and saw her 'Happy Birthday' decoration catch alight! It was fully burnt up by the time I got to Mother, frantically asking for help to blow the candle 'fire' out. I noted the girls all withdrew and my grandson's (5 & 9 yrs old) long with my husband came to the rescue and blew the candles out. Mother had looked apprehensive as the cake arrived, but thoroughly enjoyed the bit of drama. The cake top was uneatable with candle wicks  left sticking out of a melted wax and plastic mess. Luckily I had bought another cake that was Mother's favorite. The birthday cake was chosen for size to accommodate all the candles. A great time was had by all.