Mother came to Live

I hadn't seen Mother for some months as I had been diagnosed with a melanoma on my face and underwent surgery.
It was a scary time, wondering if I might be disfigured, or possibly going to die if not contained in time. My future had a shadow of the unknown over it, I felt. I have three married sons, lovely daughters-in-law and six wonderful grand-children. Would I be around for their 21st',s or weddings I wondered? The grandchildren are still  young, one is eight, the others are all between one and four yrs old. Just the delight of seeing them was great therapy.

During my time off work, post surgery, I thought it was time to visit Mother. She always told me she was fine when I rang. My sister lived in the same area & assured me she was keeping an eye on Mother.  I thought I would give Mother a surprise visit. I did informed my sister that I was coming though.

What I found was shocking. Mother was in her bathroom, naked & disorientated, not knowing where her clothes were. It was obvious she had a urinary infection which had caused her sudden mental deterioration. Mother had also lost a lot of weight, while her fridge and pantry were full of food. I investigated what had lead to this...

Mother, it turned out had early dementia, and was very good at unintentionally covering up. After I had Mother assessed, I then had the sad task of putting her into a respite hospital bed, in a home for the elderly, to give her the twenty-four hour nursing care she needed to get over her infection. It also gave me time to assess how she would recover as Neighbours reported they were worried about Mother being left alone, saying they didn't think she was coping. It appeared my sister was caught up in her own life business, and had been ringing instead of visiting. Mother, it seemed, always put on a bright response, so happy, in the moment, to hear from one of her children.

Mother was assessed as needing Nursing Home care. She was not initiating, forgetful, not eating, had faulty reasoning, had frequent falls and was vulnerable. She also has a medical history of diagnosed severe Aortic Stenosis, HTN, IHD, CHF, Arthritis, Gout and is on Warfarin for Atrial Fibrillation. Mother was dehydrated from her hot Unit and lack of fluids (it was Summer). On top of this, Mother was still taking her antihypertensive medication! Luckily not every day, as I could see missed days in her blister pack, due to her forgetfulness or confusion over what day it was. The Pharmacist assistant confirmed this was not a recent development. She had observed mother disorientated weekly when leaving her blister pack medication and often medication was not taken.

I initiated Power of Attorney over her health & Welfare following the doctor and Home's advice. Mother, fortunately had set it up years ago, for such a time as this. She chose me because I was her eldest daughter and a Registered Nurse. The assessor informed me Mother was no-longer able to cope living alone. Sadly she could have been having support services three times a day to keep her in her unit, but could not be left alone at night now. Mother told the nurse in the Home (in my presence) that what was worse about being confused was that sometimes she woke not even knowing who she was! Sometimes she found herself on the floor not knowing where she was at night. I was shocked and saddened to hear how Mother had been silently suffering, while all the time putting on a bright smile and pretending she was OK. How many others with early dementia struggle this way?

While Mother was in the Home, I sorted out a place for her at my house. I gave her the largest double bedroom so she could have her bedroom furniture on one side, and sitting-room furniture in area by the window, similar to her lounge in her RSA Unit. I hoped this would be familiar and assist Mother to settle in.

I then collected Mother from the Home and had the task of informing Mother and packing up the Unit. Mother was just grateful to be being cared for, relieved from the responsibilities that go with living alone and glad she didn't have to go into a Home. The rest of my siblings (four brothers and sister) were slower coming to terms with Mother needing care. They were not so supportive as they needed time to adjust. It was a very  stressful time.

I knew I needed to get Mother home and settled into a stable routine as soon as possible to prevent further deterioration and maintain her health. She had to be my priority. I couldn't bear to think of putting her into a home. Ideally, I want to be there for Mother for the latter years of her life. So Mother came to stay :)