Mother needs to go into respite care, or should I say I need mother to go into respite care, so I can have a break during my week of annual leave. Her only experience of being in a Rest-Home was when she was unwell and needed an emergency admission to the hospital wing. When I collected her and brought her home to live, mother felt she had escaped and never wanted to return. Needless to say, to mention respite care brought a negative, anxious response from mother.
I had leave coming up and the issue couldn’t be avoided. The issue of getting mother into respite care worried me. I sought advice and other carers told me they just announced it when it was happening, to lessen time for negative reactions. This did not sit well with me. Although I could understand that in some cases it was necessary, I didn’t want to sow seeds of mistrust in my relationship with mother.
My plan was to introduce mother slowly from an unexpected angle. I checked out a neighborhood Rest-Home and made arrangements to take mother to visit, booked for day-care that day. I told mother the evening before, that she was invited for lunch to meet some neighbors, so she could make some new friends in her age group. That it would be good to extend her social contacts. I also said it was an opportunity to check out the place to see if it would do for future respite care.
The day arrived and mother was curious about the place. She saw it daily, as we drove past. To my surprise, she decided to walk with her walking frame to the Home, instead of getting into the car. After arriving mother was introduced and said a quick goodbye before happily going off with a staff member, to explore the place. She knew I would be back to collect her around 2:30pm. I stood there before leaving, surprised to find I was feeling a familiar feeling, similar to when I left my child on their first day at school.
Later, when I arrived back at the Rest Home, I found mother was happily settled with a group. As soon as she saw me, she stood, turned to the others and invited them all to visit. I had a imagination flash of a raging geriatric house party in my absence, and suppressed the urge to laugh, as I suggested that it might be better for them if she visited them. We didn’t want anyone falling over in the uneven driveway.
Mother went off to her usual (Alzheimer’s) club the next day and told of her visit to the Rest Home. She enquired about it and other’s experiences, if anyone had been there. Mother came back with confirmed reports that the Rest Home was possibly a good place to stay. Some of her club attendees had stayed there.
During the following weekend, I took mother shopping. We found an electronic clock-calendar and photo viewer with a radio. I loaded it with just under 476 photos. Photos ranged from ancestors, mother’s childhood, marriage, children, siblings & children, grand-children and families, especially the babies in the family. I also added some of the garden and familiar home environment. Mother loves it. She has it placed on her bedside table and can see the time, day and date on one half, while the photos slowly rotate on the other half. She feels it says who she is and finds it is comforting. I decided it was time to tell mother there was a vacancy coming up on Monday and I would be able to take a week’s holiday, starting that week. Mother immediately said she would like to take her electronic photos with her.
During the afternoon and evening mother would mention different things she needed to pack. I reassured her that I could do the labelling and packing while she was at club, that I would take her when the time came and get her settled. Mother was excited. I said to her “is it like going on a school camp?” Mother answered chuckling, “yes, it feels like going on a school camp”.
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